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Tag Archive: Book Club

Next Week’s Book Club Book Pick: Just Show Up by Kara Tippetts

Just Show Up Book Club Book Pick

Next week, we’re going to start reading through Just Show Up by Kara Tippetts.

I’ve been reading this book the past few days and gleaning so much and I wanted to share my thoughts with you as I thought it might encourage you as it had encouraged me.

If you have a friend who is going through trauma or heartbreak, this book gives very practical and wise advice on how to walk through suffering and hard times while being a blessing, not an annoyance or causing more hurt.

After trying a few different things, I decided to just stick with scoping through books. That’s very doable for me and I can be a lot more consistent and reliable with that than with trying to scope and blog through books at the same time. However, I may throw a post or two up about a book that we’re going through if I have a chance to write one. We’ll see!

So, starting Monday, I’ll be scoping through Just Show Up every weekday morning next week — sharing what I’m learning, how the book is making me think, and how I want to change my life as a result.

If you’d like to join me, you can download the Periscope app and follow me (@December212012). I’ll do a quick 3-8 minute scope every morning after my Morning Motivation show and would love for you to tune in live or watch the replay on the Periscope app.

This post may contain affiliate links. Read my disclosure policy here.

Stop Feeling Guilty About Asking for Help

Stop Feeling Guilty About Asking for Help

I am so glad I decided to extend last week’s book club into this week, because I am absolutely loving Brene Brown’s Rising Strong. It is challenging me personally on so many levels, and I have really enjoyed taking my time and soaking up the words as I read through it slowly.

“Connection doesn’t exist without giving and receiving. We need to give, and we need to need.”

I scoped about this quote yesterday in-depth, because it hit me SO hard this week. When I first read this quote, I thought to myself, “Need to need?” That seemed almost strange to me at first, until I really started reflecting on it.

I was raised by parents who modeled what it means to be a giver. I’m so grateful my parents taught me how to be a servant.

As a result, though, I saw firsthand how draining it can be when people are always needing and taking and asking and are never giving back in any way. I told myself I didn’t want to ever be that person who was constantly taking and needing.

So what did I do? I swung the pendulum to the other side. I decided I wanted to always be the giver — the solutions girl, the girl who has her act together, the girl who is always pouring into other people.

I became what Brene Brown describes as an over-functioner: “Over-functioners say ‘I won’t fail. I will do. I don’t need help. I help.‘” 

Why We Need to Stop Feeling Guilty About Asking for Help

I don’t like to feel needy. And if I admit I’m struggling, I usually feel like I am letting people down or being a needy person.

I’m slowly learning, though, that it is equally as important to ask for help, and that letting people into our lives and struggles and needs is a gift we can give to them. It’s being real, vulnerable, authentic, and human.

Chapter 8 of Rising Strong on needing to need really hit home for me in this area.

When was the last time you asked someone to help you?

This is a question I had to ask myself and be honest about. You see — the past few weeks have been a really difficult time for me, personally. There have been some issues going on with situations that I can’t talk about publicly that have left me feeling overwhelmed, hurt, frustrated, sad, and a whole host of other emotions.

I’ve wanted to keep it all together and be okay, but it’s been SO heavy, and it’s been hurting pretty badly. There have been many days when I walked around feeling on the verge of tears — and I’m not usually one to be super emotional or cry.

Stop Feeling Guilty About Asking for Help

On Sunday, I shared with my community group a little bit of what’s been going on and asked for prayer. On Monday night, I did the same with out Monday Group. In both cases, those there just cared and listened and prayed for us.

And I’m so grateful. But honestly, it was hard for me to do that, and I came away from it feeling like I was some sort of needy, drama queen. I was wondering if I should have shared and thinking maybe I should have kept my mouth shut, until I read this chapter and was re-reminded that it’s okay to need help sometimes.

“When you judge yourself for needing help, you judge those who are helping. When you attach value to giving help, you attach value to needing help. The danger of tying yourself worth to being a helper is feeling shame when you have to ask for help. Offering help is courageous and compassionate, but so is asking for help.”

Wow. If we act like we never need help, it’s almost a sign or value we wear…”I don’t need help. I’m the person who helps.

I’ve been saying this my entire life. But the truth is that we all need to need, and there are times in our lives when we all need help.Stop Feeling Guilty About Asking for Help

“In a culture of scarcity and perfectionism, asking for help can be shaming if we’re not raised to understand how seeking help is human and foundational to connection.”

Vulnerability and honesty leads to trust within relationships. It’s important not to be afraid to share your struggles with those closest to you, and I am learning to be better about this as I embrace authentic friendships.

“The bottom line is that we need each other, and not just the civilized, proper, convenient kind of need. Not one of us gets through this life without expressing desperate, messy, and uncivilized need — the kind we are reminded of when we come face to face with someone who is in a deep struggle.”

Just recently, one of my friends was in a really traumatic situation. When I called her up to see how she was doing, she immediately broke down into ugly sobs.

In that moment, I didn’t think, “Oh, what a needy person.” Instead, my heart broke for her and it actually knit my heart closer to hers because of her willingness to be honest and vulnerable with me.

My challenge for you today:

Do you need to ask for help, instead of being frustrated or hurt because nobody is giving it? Or do you maybe need to ask someone if/how you can help them?

“In the absence of data, we make up stories.”

Rising Strong

So I’m a little behind in posting about our Book Club Book this week, but folks, this book is messing with me in so many good ways. I decided to extend this book club book through the next week since I don’t want to rush through this book.

And oh my goodness! I have underlined and dog-eared more pages than I probably ever have in any other book. And then I keep taking screenshots and texting them to people or reading the quotes aloud to my husband.

Yes, this book is good stuff. So good, in fact, that I just bought it for two people this week!

I read chapters 3-6 the past few days and it’s hard for me to pick just a few quotes to share. But I’ll try:

Rising Strong

“Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes they mean it. They’re compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.”

Whoa. This was hard-hitting. And a good inspiration to set and keep boundaries.

“In the absence of data, we always make up stories.”

How much of the time do we jump to conclusions and start concocting stories about a situation — when we haven’t taken the time to fact-check and make sure that are assumptions are actually true?

This book has really challenged me in this regard. I realized how many times, I’ve not done my due diligence to check data and make sure I’ve gotten my facts and stories straight. I can let my brain run wild with stories that aren’t true — just based upon a small little thing.

For instance, if I’m in a situation with a friend and she acts kind of cold toward me, I have sometimes made up a big story — that I’ve offended her, that she doesn’t like me, that she doesn’t want to be my friend anymore… when it could just be that she has something hard going on and she’s struggling with it. Or maybe she has been hurt by me about something. But I’ll never know unless I ask instead of just make up stories.

Rising Strong

And finally, the above quote was really, really good. Powerful stuff.

We’ll slowly work our way through chapters 7-11 over the next week. I’ll be scoping about them and blogging about them a few times next week.

Are you reading this book right now? If so, I’d love to hear what’s impacting and challenging you.

Failure is Hard. The End.

Rising Strong by Brene Brown

Today we’re talking about chapters 1 and 2 of Rising Strong by Brene Brown.

I’m only two chapters in and I’m already loving this book so much. In fact, it is exactly what I need to be reading right now.

The introduction stopped me in my tracks. Especially when she talks about how we sometimes sugar coat failure and dismiss how hard and painful it can be.

I loved this quote:

“But embracing failure without acknowledging the real hurt and fear that it can cause, or the complex journey that underlies rising strong, is gold-plating grit. To strip failure of its real emotional consequences is to scrub the concepts of grit and resilience of the very qualities that make them both so important — toughness, doggedness, and perseverance.”

This last year has been hard. It’s been full of heavy things and stretching things for me as a business owner.

I started the year with gusto. I was pumped and excited.

We had a plan. We had put some great things into place. We had streamlined some things, changed up some positions, and brought in some reinforcements in areas where we were weak. And it looked like it was going to be an amazing year.

And then things got hard. Stuff didn’t pan out like we expected. I made some big mistakes. Others on my team made some big mistakes. There were miscommunications. There was tension. And I struggled to know how to lead in what turned out to be some very difficult situations.

I can’t share the details of these situations because they involve people other than me and this is not the place or time for that, but suffice it to say, it’s been rough.

I’ve wanted to quit. I’ve wanted to walk away from it all. But I felt like I needed to stay strong, fight through, and push forward. Wasn’t that what a good leader does?

So I put on my brave face, I stuffed down those feelings of hurt and frustration, and I pressed forward… all the while reeling from the weight of it all.

When you just want to give up and throw in the towel

But yesterday, as I read the first two chapters of Rising Strong, I felt this weight come off my shoulders. That I don’t need to try to stuff it in and suck it up. That it’s okay to acknowledge how hard this past year has been for me, how disappointed I’ve felt over the setbacks and crumbled dreams, how mentally and emotionally exhausting it’s been, and how lonely it has felt at times.

I’m writing this, not because I’m asking for pity, but because I want to share how this book is impacting me on a very personal level. And also because I think it’s easy to look at someone like me and think that, “It must be nice to be so successful.”

Honestly, the success that has come over the past few years has also brought some of the greatest pain with it. The pain of losing people you thought were your friends because they were jealous over opportunities you were given. The pain of being talked about like you’re some sort of object. The pain of people misunderstanding and criticizing decisions you made. The pain of betrayal. The pain of having your parenting choices and life choices being raked over the coals and ripped apart…

Success truly does comes with its own set of hard things. 

And while I want to focus on my blessings and walk in the confidence that I am enough, Brene’s book is challenging me to also be more honest about how much some of this pain has hurt.

I don’t need to write blog posts about these things, but I do need to acknowledge this personally and to my inner circle of friends. I need to have safe places where I can be completely vulnerable — without having to feel like I need to sugar coat or stuff anything.

Sometimes, Courage is Just Showing Up

“Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.”

Did you read the first two chapters of Rising Strong? If so, I’d love to hear your thoughts!

photo credit

I Used to Be So Organized (part 3)

I Used to Be So Organized

So I’m a little behind in getting my Book Club posts up this week on the book we’re reading. (I guess that might be because I’m still working on getting more organized. ;))

I do have good news to report and that is that I’ve been faithfully sticking with my commitment to not check email before 12:30 p.m. each day. It’s made SUCH a difference in my mornings! I’ve found that email was taking up so much brain space and energy… because once I checked it, then I would start composing responses, thinking through issues, and problem-solving — even for a long time after I had left my computer.

I’ve also been doing a much better job getting places on time and being ready on time for my daily Periscopes. Not perfect, mind you, but much better. And that makes me so happy!

Two quotes that I loved from the last two sections of the book were:

“At any moment, giving full attention to the one thing at hand is a hallmark of high performance.” -David Allen

That’s how I want to live. Fully present exactly where I am. Embracing the moment. Being 100% all there — instead of constantly feeling torn in five different directions. Making the change with my email this week has definitely helped with this big time and I’m excited to see how that plays out long-term.

“No matter how many times you’ve tried to get organized before, know that today is a brand-new day. Leave behind your past failures and weaknesses, You are the only one who places limits on your ability or disqualifies you because on your past.” (page 215)

Isn’t this such a great reminder?? Don’t stress over what you haven’t done or how you’ve failed in the past. Just get up and take the first babystep in the first direction. Right now, right here. Today is a new day!

How are YOU doing on the small habits you committed to wanting to stick with this week? I’d love to hear!

Rising Strong by Brene Brown

Next week, we’ll be going through Brene Brown’s book, Rising Strong. I’m so excited about reading this book as I’ve read all three other books by Brene Brown and my life will never be the same as a result of reading them.

So I can’t wait to dive into this one! I’ll be blogging and scoping through it beginning on Monday. Let me know if you’re joining us!

I Used to Be So Organized (part 2)

I Used to Be So Organized

Today, we’re reading section 2 from I Used to Be So Organized (pages 47-83, chapters 4-7). I loved this quote:

“Success with small, solid, disciplined habits leads to achievement with greater projects. Which is why making your bed and being on time for church are important habits to master.”

I told you yesterday that I was going to work on two small habits this week: the habit of timeliness (especially being on time for my daily Periscope shows) and the habit of not checking my email until after 12:30 p.m..

Here’s the thing: both of those seem pretty small and simple. They don’t require tons of effort or time to pull off. They require intention and planning ahead — but not in massive amounts. Just little tweaks and changes.

But by making those two small habits a priority yesterday, it made a HUGE difference in my day. I felt so much more at peace. My house stayed cleaner. I was able to be more present with my family. I got more done, too!

I Used to Be So Organized

And things like this large laundry pile that is staring me in the face today don’t feel so overwhelming or stressful. It’s amazing the difference small tweaks and changes can make in our overall outlook, energy, productivity, and joy!

Also, be sure to catch the end of my scope this morning where I shared another quote from this book that I especially loved.

How are YOU doing on the 1-2 habits you committed to yesterday? Tell us in the comments. (And if you didn’t commit to something, go ahead and leave a comment telling us what you’re committing to.)